I just pynch a tree in the face
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
