When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
