Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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