Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
