he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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