the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
