I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need a shit load of segways right now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
