my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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