My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
