Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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