You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
