Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
