walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
