You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
