A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
