Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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