Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
