cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
