Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
