well I can't set my house on fire every night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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