Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
