Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
