i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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