I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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