I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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