Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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