I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
