who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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