I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
