she was so not down for the gang bang
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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