I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
