I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if only i could text you this smell
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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