smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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