I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
