I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
