she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
