your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
