Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
