a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
