1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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