I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
