Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
