i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
