I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
