I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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