He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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