I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
