I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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