What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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