Kareoke will never be a sober sport
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
