I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
