Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
