I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
