Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
