don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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