its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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