Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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