mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
