She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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